I regularly encounter conflicting situations in boardrooms, as an advisor, coach and Enterprise Chamber Director. Sometimes the reason is a business conflict. In that case, arguments fly back and forth across the room. As long as that remains business, it may not be nice, but it is easy to solve. It gets a lot tougher when strong emotions are added. And that happens quite often, especially in family businesses. In addition, I notice four things.
First: in such situations, conflicts often arise and explode because the actual conversation is not being started. The exchange between the (family) directors, usually shareholders, then has more the nature of a discussion than a dialogue. All kinds of reproaches and frustrations are translated to the family business, even though they actually concern the family itself — skewed relationships within the family that have not always developed flawlessly and have usually remained untouched until everyone has grown up with them. Conflicts in family businesses often go back a long time. If you want to know how systemic education, conflicts and frustrations can have an effect, read the book 'The Fountain' by Els van Steijn.
In addition, secondly: it is difficult to refer to such hidden issues, even as a mediator or coach who stands above the parties. The ingrained patterns and old conflicts are tabooed. As long as reality is ignored, there can be no start of a solution either. In fact, as a mediator who must force a solution, you must first pull that iceberg up. That is often very difficult and you need help with that.
Third, many of the conflicts have a need for recognition as a cause. It is difficult to pronounce — so it is often concealed in all kinds of tangible things: a formal position or money. Very often, that is not the real need but a business argument translated by impotence. Whereas: every person wants to be seen and heard: so does their argument. Let that be a starting point when dealing with administrative conflicts.
Fourthly: I notice that in the event of such a conflict situation, what I often call a governance crumple zone name, missing. None of the companies I advised where there was a (family) conflict, for example, had a Supervisory Board. Of course, there were the necessary advisors, but they advise one particular party. Organizationally, in these cases, to use a metaphor from the construction industry, cold grouting is often done — without a joint between the seams: wood to wood, stone to stone. In the long run, this creates a huge risk of damage, even if it shrinks or expands slightly. You know the temperature will fluctuate but matter has nowhere to go. A governance crumple zone ideally ensures that a conflict is prevented or discussed in a wider context, particularly in light of the need for business progress.
Directors and shareholders of less corporate-driven companies are often afraid of loss of control or interference. The irony is that the fear of relinquishing control can actually mean the end of your control over the company — I've seen that happen several times out of my involvement as a problem solver on behalf of the Enterprise Chamber. What do you actually lose when you open up to advice and input from others? If you don't like it, you can quickly get rid of someone in practice.
In her novel “You Say It”, about the most famous couple in modern Western literature, Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath, Connie Palmen describes that everything that is not said remains hidden. What is kept secret eventually finds a way out. But then as an eruption, as an ugly crack — uncontrolled. As an advisor, to begin such a process of acceptance, I sometimes say to such an armored fighter in the boardroom: you are unique, but your situation is not, I see it coming back in many variants. It can be comforting to know that you are not alone. And that there is a solution. And then it helps enormously if you have built a safe and neutral crumple zone around you that can help you and the person you're talking to do so. That is also a good way to keep control. But one that does not hinder, but rather makes you move.
